Kaisey Yeh Rishtey - 32

Chapter 32 

Shivanya 

Shivi sat down on the sofa, her brain in a whirl.

As she drove home, images flashed through her mind. Akash and her in college together. Akash teasing her, and reducing her to tears. His contrite offering of flowers, his apology when he’d found that she was genuinely upset, the first time she started falling in love with him. Their college picnic on the beach, where she'd gotten knocked over by the waves. He'd helped her to her feet, steadied her, calmed her down after her scare. And then he'd kissed her - their first kiss.

Shivi swerved, lost in memories. She parked the car, and walked onto the sea-front promenade, as the memories continued. They had studied together, laughed together, played together. And when the tragedy had happened, a year ago now, she had been there with him. Lavanya had gone off, she remembered. She had even argued with her sister as to why she was leaving when Arnav needed her, but Lavanya had refused to give up her job, and had left. She, Shivi, had stayed on for her final college year, had tried to be near Akash, comfort him. And he had pushed her away repeatedly, till she had given up in despair that she would ever be able to get through to him.

Then Khushi had called her, Shivi remembered. Called her and asked her to visit Akash, persuade him back to college. Shivi hadn't needed much persuasion, it was something she wanted to do. But when Shivi came with his friends, and tried to talk Akash into coming with them, Khushi had appeared and autocratically refused him permission. College was all right, she had said. I asked you to take him back to college. Not to roam around with you all.

Shivi remembered her utter confusion at Khushi's volte face, and then, her sense of victory as Akash rudely brushed his sister-in-law aside, and left with his friends. At that time, she could not understand Khushi’s behavior, her complete turn around. But now she realised what Khushi had been doing, then and time and again. Pushing and goading Akash towards her, towards his friends, towards back to living life normally. Helping him get over the tragedy and face life again. 

And Akash had realised that now, thought Shivi. He had finally seen through Khushi's barbs and arrows, to the effort behind them to push him back to living life, instead of just existing. Which was why now he was Khushi's slave, why he refused to have anything to do with Shivi, after she had belittled Khushi again and again, just like her sister had. Khushi had not asked for his love and respect, she had just showered him with her own. And she had won him.

And now, it's your turn, thought Shivi to herself. If you want to win him back, you have to give. Give him all the love you have in you. Give your love to his family, that your sister turned her back upon. You have to show him that you're not like Lavanya. That if anything, you're more like Khushi.

Shivi bit her lip as she pondered more. To do that, she thought, you need Khushi on your side. You need her help. You already have her support, if you're ready to show her that you care for Akash enough.

She straightened,her mind made up. 

She came to see Khushi the next day.

"Help me," she said directly. "Will you help me, Khushi bhabhi?"

Khushi smiled warmly at the younger girl. "Do you love him?"

Shivi nodded, biting her lip.

"Enough to fight for him?" asked Khushi gently.  Shivi looked at her questioningly.

"Fight? Fight whom?!"

"Fight Akash, mostly" said Khushi smiling. "Shouldn't be too difficult. His brain might try to fight you, but I have a feeling his heart is on your side. Cliched though that sounds, it's true."

Shivi smiled in spite of herself. She looked at Khushi, hope in her eyes.

"Do you really think so, Bhabhi?"

Khushi put her hands on the younger girl's shoulders. "I do," she said gently. "But the heart has its own ways. I will help you as much as I can, but it's finally between both of you. If you mean as much to him as he means to you. That's for both of you to find out. Are you ready?"

Shivi took a deep breath. She looked at Khushi and nodded firmly.  

"Then do as I say," said Khushi.

So Shivi did. And Akash found, to his extreme annoyance, that he couldn't get her out of his sight, let alone his mind. 

Shivi was everywhere. She at his home every evening, when he got home from office. She was with Khushi in the kitchen, learning Akash's mother's recipes, helping Shantitai. She was with Radhika, helping her with her books, teaching her numbers, colours, running with her in the garden. She was getting his father his medicines, his water, his glasses, wheeling him into the lawn with Radhika.

Enough was enough, thought Akash grimly, when for the tenth time in as many days, he came home from office to find Shivi reading to Radhika in the sitting room. Ignoring her, he cornered his errant sister-in-law in the kitchen.

“What are you up to, bhabhi?” he asked, annoyance in his tone. Khushi looked at him innocently.

“What am I up to? I’m organizing dinner, that’s all. Why?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” he retorted. “Why is Shivi here every day? I told you …”

“She’s doing a course in Home Science,” said Khushi smoothly. “She wanted my help in some recipes. Your mother’s recipes are very good, Akash. I’m helping her try some of them, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” he repeated, not believing her for an instant. “All? Nothing to do with me and that little talk we had the other day?”

“What talk?” Khushi asked innocently, then looked at his skeptical face, and gave an exaggerated sigh. “Ah, that! Well, Akash, that’s up to you, I told you … but she was your friend, so I thought … if she wanted to come over once in a while to spend some time … If you don’t like her, it’s perfectly all right. No one’s forcing you to sit on her lap. She’s just learning some … ”

“Yeah, I know … she’s trying out some recipes,” he said, in a tone which showed exactly what he thought of that excuse, and Khushi grinned unrepentantly.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said pertly, “I think your brother’s calling me …”

She waltzed out of the kitchen, and Akash was left glaring after her. He knew exactly what Khushi was up to, he thought wrathfully! Once upon a time, she would have been able to fool him, but not any more. When she looked her most angelic, she was at her devious worst. And she was now hell bent on pairing him up with Shivi. I have to disabuse her mind of this latest nonsense, he thought, ignoring the little voice in his head that said he was quite enjoying Shivi's attention!

He went out after tea. Strolling in the garden, he could hear Radhika's high, childish voice, now laughing, now shouting. He heard Khushi answering her, and smiling, he strolled towards the voices.

He bumped into Khushi, as she came down the path.

"What's happening?"

Khushi looked at him, an imp of mischief in her eyes. "We're playing hide and seek," she said, softly. "Akash, you go that side. Let Radhika find you. She'll be very disappointed if she doesn't."

He smiled back at her, and moved down the path. He skirted carefully around the big tree at the bottom, taking care to keep out of Radhika's sight.

"Ooof!"

Shivi had backed into him. She had obviously been playing with Radhika, too. Khushi had omitted to tell him that, he thought grimly, and held Shivi in his arms easily. Both Khushi and Shivi needed a lesson!

Shivi struggled in his arms, and looked up at him, her eyes wide and surprised. Her mouth opened.

"Shhh," he whispered, easily holding her. "Do you want Radhika to find you so quickly. Quiet!"

She quietened and stayed in his arms obediently. He held her tightly against him, and slowly lowered his lips to the nape of her neck. Startled, she looked around at him, and he brought a quick finger to her lips.

For the next few minutes, he had her alone to himself, and he used the time well.  He caressed her, moving his hands over her slowly, his lips over her neck, her shoulder …then he twisted her around in his arms to face him, and continued silently, driving her wild, her arms tight around him, her face buried in his chest to stifle her moans, as his arms roamed her back freely, and his lips tasted her neck, her face, her ears, her lips …

She jerked her head away, breathing hard, and stared into his eyes, her own wide and dilated. He smiled at her, a not very nice smile.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" he asked softly. "Why are you stopping me? I don't mind! Spending a casual evening with a pretty girl in my arms is quite a good idea, isn't it?"

His tone was purposely, coolly casual. She jerked herself out of his arms, and backed away slowly, her hand over her mouth, her head shaking slowly.

"You don't … you can't … mean that …" she said. "It's not casual, Akash, you know it's not! I love you, Akash!"

He shrugged. "All the better for me. Come back, Shivi! I was just beginning to enjoy myself."

She shook her head, her eyes wide and horrified. Then she turned and ran up the garden path to the house, only half seeing Khushi and Arnav as they stood a little way away, stunned at the tableau they were witnessing.

Akash followed Shivi but he paused when he saw his brother and sister-in-law. Khushi put out a hand to him.

"Akash. Be kind."

"Bhabhi, I am not interested. Let her be."

Khushi looked at him distressed, and Arnav put an arm around her. "Khushi, he's a grown man. Let him fight his own battles. He can do it. Have faith."

Akash went on up the path to the house and Khushi looked at Arnav in distress.

"It's my fault, Arnav. I did encourage her. She loves him, and I thought he …"

"Let him be, Khushi," said Arnav gently. "Maybe he's not yet ready. He'll come around in time."

Khushi shook her head. "I don’t want either of them to get hurt,” she said fretfully. “Neither him … nor Shivi.  She does love him. She’s not like … “

She stopped precipitously and stole a look at Arnav. He was looking back at her steadily.

“No,” he agreed softly, almost … lovingly? “She’s not like Lavanya. Funnily, she’s more like you. And Akash will see that sooner or later.”

Her color rose slightly, both at his words and their tone. His arm was still around her and his face was very close in the dim light. She spoke softly, hesitantly.

“Am I pushing him too hard, Arnav? I did so want him to be settled, too."

Arnav led her further into the garden slowly. "Don't worry," he said, softly. "You've accomplished a lot. And that too, in far less time than I had hoped. Give him some more time. He’s very young still. Why are you in such a hurry?"

She smiled uncertainly, her face small. "I have done some good, haven't I, Arnav? Once he is settled, my work here is over."

Arnav looked out into the distance. "Are you in such a hurry to leave?" he asked casually.

Khushi moved away from him, her eyes shadowing.

"If I don't leave soon, I may not be able to leave at all," she said softly, half to herself, then stopped in horror at the direction her thoughts were taking. Had he heard her?

She turned around to see Arnav looking at her. Looking at her steadily, with an expression in his eyes, his face, that made her blood run hot, and her hand tremble.

But before she could say anything, Shantitai came running down the path, calling for her. And the moment was lost.

Kaisey Yeh Rishtey - 31

Chapter 31

Khushi didn't wait for Akash to talk to Shivanya. As soon as she could, she called Shivanya over to meet her.

Shivanya was hesitant, defensive and inclined to be distrustful. "Why have you called me here?"

Khushi looked directly at her. "I haven't seen you around here for some time. Akash has finished his studies, he's got more free time now. I thought you would be around here more often, we'd see more of you, not less. I was wondering if anything is wrong."

"Ask him why that's so," Shivanya replied rudely. "Why are you asking me?"

"I've already asked him," Khushi said calmly, ignoring the younger girl's rudeness. "I want to know your answer too."

Shivanya looked angrily at her. "It's your fault, and you ask me the reason? You took Lavanya’s place, and now you expect me to be seen here? Am I welcome here any more? Do you want me here? I don't think so."

Khushi sighed. "Look, Shivanya," she said, evenly. "First of all, it's not true that you're not welcome here, at least it's not true that I don't welcome you here in this house. I always have, and I always will, as long as you care for Akash. If you remember, I was the one who called you over to help Akash with his work, his notes ... and I was happy when he went out with you and all his friends. He is happy with you, and Akash's happiness is important to me. So leave me out of this argument. The real question is your feelings, yours and Akash's."

"I don't believe you," replied Shivanya. Her tone was still belligerent, but mixed with some hesitancy. "You're here, aren't you? And Lavu di is not. You've taken her place. So why would you welcome me here? I'm her sister. You won't welcome me here. You won't welcome either of us. We'll never be wanted here because you will make sure of that.

"Who told you that?" countered Khushi. "Lavanya? or Akash? Or did you just think all this up in your own head? Because I know I have never tried to make you feel unwelcome here. On the contrary ... this family is important to me, the happiness of every member of this family matters to me. If Akash is happy with your ... friendship ... if it brings him out of the trauma of last year, I'm happy too. There's nothing I want more."

Shivanya looked down, and then back at Khushi.

"But Akash doesn't seem to think so," she said, hurt and sadness in her tone mixed with the still present anger. "He can't forget that Lavu and I are sisters. I admit Lavu di went away last year, and he is hurt by that ... but I'm not Lavu di. I came when you called me, I helped him as much as I could, I spent time with him ... but all that, it doesn't seem to matter to him now. I'm Lavu di's sister, and that's all that matters." 

Khushi looked sympathetically at the younger girl.

"So that's why he's pushing you away? You know that?"

Shivanya nodded miserably. 

"He told me. He told me that Lavu di had left Arnav bhai last year and gone away. I knew that, of course, but I didn't know Arnav bhai had asked her to stay. Neither did Akash ... then. He knows now ... and he can't forgive di for that. Neither can he forgive me."

Khushi smiled ironically. "First Akash pushed me away, because he loved you, and Lavanya is your sister. Now he's pushing you away, because he cares for me, and you're Lavanya's sister! Strange, isn't it? The way life has a habit of turning us on it's head?"

Shivanya turned away and Khushi couldn’t read her face. "If you know the reason, why are you asking me?" Her tone was belligerent, but the underlying hurt in it was clear.

Khushi turned her around and looked at her firmly. “Shivi ...  can I call you that? Shivi, I don’t want to interfere between you and Akash. I just wanted to say this – if it matters to you, don’t give up. It mattered to me what Akash felt for me, it mattered to me that he should not hate me, so I fought to win his love, his respect. I'm just his sister-in-law! if I'm not mistaken, you want to be much more. You care for him, you love him! If you love him enough, why are you not fighting to win him over? It's not difficult for a woman to win over the man she loves, when he already cares for her. You have to try, you can't just give up."

She turned away.

"That is, of course," she added, "If you want him enough, if you love him enough. That’s your call, Shivi. Think about it.”

Shivi stared at her dumbly. Khushi looked at her seriously.

"You've seen how your sister lost the man she loved. Maybe she didn't love him enough, or maybe her love was not strong enough to accept the rough with the smooth. And there was a lot of rough in his life at that time. The question is, is your love deep enough, strong enough? To accept Akash the way he is, the ups and the downs?"

She half turned away from Shivi.

"I hope it is, Shivi, because he does love you. He’s upset, he feels betrayed because of your sister and what she did to Arnav, and he’s scared because he thinks you might be the same. But he still cares for you. Love is not something you can switch off and on. He really doesn’t want to lose you."

Shivi looked at her, speechless. After some time, she managed to say, in a low voice. "And you don't mind that? You would accept me? Arnav would accept me?"

I won't be here much longer to mind or not, thought Khushi forlornly, and the thought brought a lump to her throat. She swallowed hard, and looked at Shivi again.

"It's not me or Arnav who matter," she said, firmly. "It's you and Akash, and your feelings for each other. If you love him enough, if we all see that he's happy with you, why should we mind that? Why should we not welcome you?"

Shivi spoke one word. "Lavanya."

Khushi sighed and looked at her. "Shivi, can't you understand? This is between you and Akash. Not Lavanya. Not me. Not Arnav. Just you and Akash. Think about it."

She turned and left the room.

Kaise Yeh Rishtey - 30

Chapter 30 

When Arnav came in to dinner, he had showered and changed, his wet hair slicked back from his face. The family was already seated at the dining table, and looked up as he made his entrance.  

"Bath? At this time?" asked his father, surprised, and Arnav nodded, trying his best to look noncommittal.

"It's hot," he said, by way of explanation. "I needed a cold shower."

He could have bitten his tongue out at his choice of words. He looked at Khushi, expecting a look of annoyance or reproach. He wondered if she had felt his arousal in those few moments upstairs, and was wary of what her response would be. He had no doubt that she would be annoyed or worse, even upset. Their bargain had definitely not included any physical relationship, and though those few moments upstairs had been innocent on her part, his response had been anything but innocent.

Khushi wasn't looking at him. She was very carefully concentrating serving his niece the vegetables, but he could have sworn her color was high. As he looked at her, she suddenly looked at him, her teeth biting her lower lip, and equally quickly, looked away again. And this time he wasn't mistaken. Her color was definitely high, her cheeks a delicate shade of rose pink.

Arnav started eating his dinner thoughtfully. There had been no annoyance in that look, no upset. Far from it. So what did that mean? Or am I just being hopeful? He asked himself, and absently passed his brother the salt when he asked for the pickle.

"Arnav bhai? Where are you lost?" Akash asked, surprised. "I wanted the pickle!"

His father chuckled. "That's the sort of thing you normally do, young man," he laughed. "Daydreaming is your forte, especially at the dining table."

"Yes, but I'm …" Akash started, and then stopped. He looked at his brother, his gaze searching. And then, he kept quiet, and finished his meal with a big grin on his face, which remained there throughout the meal, mischief in the looks he threw his brother and Khushi. 

"What is wrong with you, Akash?" asked Khushi finally. "Can you please wipe that big grin off your face? What is so funny anyway?"

Akash grinned wider. "Nothing, bhabhi," he said, innocently, and Khushi gave up. She tried to answer young Radhika's questions, but her mind was wandering. Every time she looked at Arnav, he seemed to be looking at her, and it was doing hell for her equilibrium. Especially after those few moments in his arms upstairs. Even thinking of them made her feel warm all over. Their fight, their argument over Aman and the scene in the garden was forgotten, her whole being lost in the memory of those moments, the feel, the touch of him ...

She concentrated on Radhika and steadfastly refused to look at Arnav any more throughout the meal.

"You still have your numbers homework to finish," she reminded the child. "We'll sit down after dinner and finish it. Your TV went on too long this evening. From tomorrow, no more TV during the week. Only on weekends. We’ll play outside on the swings in the fresh air in the evening – that will be much more fun. And too much TV makes you look so pale and tired."

"Yes, badi mummy," Radhika said, obediently, and continued eating. Khushi looked at the little girl, her heart going out to her. She was so small and scared. The sudden death of her parents in the accident had scarred her psyche badly. It wasn't normal for a girl of this age to be so quiet, so obedient, she thought sadly. Arnav was right. There were a lot of responsibilities in this house.

She bent and kissed Radhika softly on the head, her gesture so spontaneous it even took her by surprise. Slowly this family  had wound their way, individually and collectively into her heart. Radhika looked at her in surprise, and she smiled at her.

"Don't worry, darling," she said, lovingly. "I'll help you with your work. We'll have it done in no time. And we'll have an extra long story session tonight, because you got extra homework today."

Radhika beamed at Khushi. "Really?! What fun! I love your stories, badi mummy! Thank you!" She reached up to kiss her back. 

"But I think badi mummy is right," said Arnav, from the head of the table. "No TV during the week, young lady. You get too tired, and it's a problem with your work. I’ll tell you what … how about we all go to the waterpark this weekend? I’ll take you."  

"You will?" cried the little girl, obviously thrilled, and Arnav smiled at her.

"Yes, I will. Now finish your dinner and badi mummy will help you with your numbers."

Radhika went on with her food in an obviously happier frame of mind, and Khushi saw her father-in-law looking approvingly at her. She smiled back at him, picked up his pills and showed them to him. His smile changed to a frown.

"Khushi, for heavens' sake,…"

"Papaji, you're getting forgetful," she chided gently, and he smiled again, unwillingly.

"Those damn pills," he grumbled. "I always swore I'd never take pills in my life. I'd rather die than be dependent on these silly things."

"If you don't take them, you probably would get your wish," Arnav reminded him.  "But, for our sakes, I'd rather you didn't go anywhere. Not just yet."

His father grinned suddenly.

"No, I won't," he promised. "I have a few things to see to, yet."

"Oh? Like what?" asked Akash, grinning again. "Are you hoping for the patter of tiny feet, dad?"

His father frowned at him. "No, the patter of big ones," he responded, ungrammatically. "In chains, that too. You finish your college, lad, without flunking out, that is, and I'll tie you down to a nice girl so fast, you won't have time to show me those big teeth of yours. Then I'll see how you stay out so late at night the way you do these days."

Akash promptly looked suitably chastened and his father chuckled.

"That is not to say," he continued, apparently addressing the ceiling, "that I will not welcome the patter of tiny feet, of course."

Khushi blushed again, but Arnav was calm.

"Yes, dad, point noted. Now could I have some rice, please?"

                                 ***********************************************************************************************

A few days later - 

Akash raced into the kitchen, where Khushi was busy with something. Radhika was with her as usual, and he loped around them, snatching at a savoury, deftly avoiding Khushi, as she tried to keep the plate away from him.

"Go and wash, Akash! These are for dinner! Akash! Go away!"

He picked up the hot, just fried pakoras, and dropped them back equally swiftly, nursing his finger.

"Ow! It's hot!"

"What do you expect?" Khushi retorted. She took his hand, soothed his burnt finger. Then she relented, and pushed two cooler ones at him. "Here! Take this and go! Always hungry! Don't eat too much. They're for dinner, and they're your brother's favorites."

He made a face at her.

"Yes, of course, always his favourite things for him. When are you going to make my favorite things, bhabhi?"

She made a face back.

"I won't make things for you!" she mocked. "Get your own wife into this house, and she can do some work. Feeding you is going to be a full time job, as it is! Since you've started working at the office, you feel even hungrier than you did before. I feel sorry for her already."

He laughed. "That will take some time! Which poor soul is going to agree to marry me? There's a shortage of crazy girls out there!"
She looked at him, and then continued her work, keeping her tone casual, laughing.

“Why? Look at that pretty friend of yours, Shivanya - she's certainly crazy enough. It would be nice if she came here to help me with your favourite things. You've known her for long enough, she must know more about you than I do. Speaking of Shivanya, I haven't seen her for quite a few days, Akash. I would have thought that after your exams finished, you would be out with her every day."

Akash's mood changed abruptly. He put the second pakora into his mouth, and turned away.

"I'm busy," he said shortly. "I have to help Arnav bhai at the office now. He's carried all the responsibility for too long. Now that my studies are finished, I can help him. I don't have time to go out."

Khushi looked at him carefully.

"You're not that busy, Akash. Or you shouldn't be anyway. And you have the evenings to go out. Evening is the time for romance, isn't it? You work all day, you haven't even taken a break after your exams ended, why don't you take some time off? Spend time with her."

Akash sat down heavily on a kitchen chair. He looked at Khushi, a mixture of sadness and determination in his eyes.

"Bhabhi," he said, heavily. "Please don't talk about her. She's a closed chapter. She's going to be off to America with her sister. I don't know her plans, and I don't want to know them."

"You like her, don't you, Akash?" asked Khushi gently. "Is it more than just liking? Tell me truthfully, Akash."

He looked down at his hands, and then back at Khushi. She came to him and held his hands between hers.

"Tell me, Akash. You would have told your mother if she had been here, wouldn't you? Let me in, Akash. I want you to be happy, you know that. Do you like her?"

His hands moved in hers, twisted, and held hers back. He looked at her, his eyes showing his conflict.

"I did like Shivi, bhabhi. I'm not going to lie. I did ... maybe I still do. But after Lavanya ... and what she did ... I don't trust Shivi. Arnav bhai held this family together when Mom went ... then you came and you helped him. But me ... I didn't do anything to help. After the accident, we all needed to pull together, and I pulled apart. I took long enough to grow up and see sense. I don't want to do anything to tear us apart again, bhabhi. Half the family went in one stroke ... the rest need to be together now. Shivi will join her sister in America. My life is here." 

"Your brother wants you to go to America," said Khushi, softly. "You know that, don't you? He wants you to do your MBA, before you settle down to work full-time. Maybe you can do what he had thought of doing earlier, stay in America, and build up the business there. Then you can be with Shivanya there." 

He shook his head with more determination. 

"I don't want to be with Shivi there." he said firmly. "That is out of the question, bhabhi. And if that's what you and bhai are thinking, then forget it. Shivi is over, finished, bhabhi. Anyone who puts themselves before family, cannot belong in this house. And I will not go to America. My place is here, with you. I will not leave the family and go anywhere. If Shivi wants to go with Lavanya, she is welcome to go. I'm not interested."

Khushi went up to him, gently, and held his hands. 

"Akash, listen to me," she began. "How do you know what Shivi wants to do? Have you asked her? Akash, don't throw love away - it's too precious. I've seen love in that girl's eyes. She loves you very much."

"Bhabhi," Akash said, firmly. "That may be what she says now. Lavanya also said she loved Arnav bhai. You know that, don't you? But her love was selfish. She wanted to take him away from all of us, when he was needed here. And Shivi is her sister. No thanks, bhabhi. These girls only think about themselves and what they want, not about anybody else. Selfishness runs in their family. And that’s not the kind of girl I can love, or be with. I won't take the chance. No, bhabhi, forget Shivi."

"You don't know that she is like her sister," said Khushi, gently. "Her choices may be different. And Akash … maybe Lavanya and Arnav weren’t meant for each other … but maybe Shivanya and you are. Give her a chance. Maybe her choices are different from her sister’s."

Akash shook his head. "How can that be, bhabhi? How can it be that in the same family, two sisters can have different thoughts?"

“They can, Akash,” Khushi said, turning away, the faces of her father and brother rising to her mind. She had managed to almost forget them for so long, she marveled … but was Akash right? She had always felt herself to be so different from them … but was she really? She hoped so, she hoped so fervently, she thought. She couldn’t imagine them in this family, in these surroundings, whereas she … she felt she would lose her life’s breath if she had to leave here … when she had to leave here, she corrected herself dully. She turned to Akash again.

“They can be different,” she said again, and her tone was half-pleading. “Please Akash, give her a chance.”

He looked at her, puzzled by the emotion in her voice. "Bhabhi?"

She put her hands around his face.

"One chance, Akash?" she asked softly. "You owe her that much. She has done a lot for you over the last few months, she’s been there for you all the time … why would she have done that if she didn’t love you? care for you? It took just one phone call from me, and she was here. Ask her what she feels, what she wants. Don't assume things, or you may regret it later. You call me bhabhi, don't you? Then treat me like your bhabhi, listen to me and do me this favour, please, Akash."

He held her hands in his own, his face gentle as he looked at her.

"Bhabhi?"

She shook her head at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. He held her close.

"Please, bhabhi, please don't cry. I promise, I'll do as you say. I've given you too many tears already, I don’t want to give you any more."

She held him tightly, but the tears were not for him. I see my job coming to an end, she thought, miserably. I seem to have succeeded too well. If Shivanya is back in Akash’s life, and maybe in this house, he won’t need me any more. Then maybe Lavanya will reconsider her own decision as well, and I will have to leave. This family will be complete again, and there will be no place for me in it.

Kaisey Yeh Rishtey - 29

Chapter 29 

Something, a movement behind her, made her turn. Arnav was standing on the stone steps, looking at both of them.

Khushi stood transfixed, as she met his eyes, and the icy rage in them. Her hands dropped away from Aman's. Aman looked at her in puzzlement, and then turned to see Arnav. He looked blankly at the other man, and then a look of dawning comprehension swept his face, and he started forward, as though to protect Khushi from Arnav.

Arnav moved forward too, murder in his eyes.

Khushi moved swiftly between the two men.

Arnav looked at her then. His eyes spat cold fire, burned her skin. 

“You promised,” he bit out. “You promised me … and I trusted you.”

Khushi was white-faced, trembling, her eyes fixed on his face. Her hand reached out hesitantly, nervously, to touch his arm. 

Arnav grabbed Khushi's hand, and pulled it hard, jerking her towards him. Khushi stumbled, but regained her balance quickly. Arnav glared at the other man. Aman started forward, his face disturbed.

“Look, man, I can explain …” he started and Arnav held up a furious hand.

“Don’t bother,” he said icily. “I have no desire to speak with you. I’m talking to my wife.”

He turned to Khushi.

“We’re going home,” he said, still in that icy tone. Khushi trembled. That icy dictator she had met the first evening was back.

“Arnav,” she whispered. “Arnav, please … it’s not what you think …”

“You’re standing here, alone with him … and you tell me it’s not what I think it is?” he asked softly, dangerously and she swallowed.

“I promised you,” she whispered. “I didn’t break my word, Arnav.”

He looked at her and the ice in his eyes lessened slightly.

“We’ll talk at home,” was all he said, and turned to leave. Aman’s voice stopped him.

"Arnav, please! It's not her fault," began Aman, and Arnav turned to him, fist clenched and half raised.

"You stay out of this! This is between me and her, do you understand? Stay away from her in future if you know what good for you!"

Khushi put her other hand on Arnav's arm. "Aman, please, go," she said, quietly, looking directly at Aman. "Anjali will be waiting for you. Her session must be almost over. Please tell her I will come to meet her mother very soon. Now, you go."

Aman shook his head. "I'm not leaving you with him like this," he said, grimly, and Arnav made an inarticulate sound of rage and contempt. 

"Not leaving her with me?! She's my wife, you  ..."

Aman glared right back at Arnav.

"Being her husband doesn't give you the right to manhandle her," he said strongly. "Or to level accusations without knowing the truth ... or even listening to her.  Ever heard of domestic abuse, Mr. Raizada?"

Arnav glared at Aman. The ice bristled and sparked with hostility between the two men. Khushi took a deep breath and looked pleadingly at Aman. 

"Aman ... Aman, please. Don't say anything more. He's not like that. Please, Aman, just go."

Aman made as if to protest, but something in her face stopped him. He nodded grudgingly and patted her shoulder.

"I'm going, Khushi. But you know where I am, if you ever need me. Ever."

He looked meaningfully at Arnav when he said that, giving him another glare of dislike. He nodded reassuringly at Khushi, turned and went back up the steps to the terrace and beyond the closed doors to the hospital building through them. Arnav watched him go, his eyes glittering with dislike, and  a stronger emotion he didn't want to name. 

Khushi looked at Arnav, her eyes enormous in her pale face. She couldn’t trust her voice, it was trembling badly. She bit her lip fiercely, willing the tears to not come. Please, she thought, looking at him pleadingly, and then back at the diners in the restaurant, now watching them curiously, please, not here. 

Through his rage, Arnav seemed to understand. They made their way out through the restaurant and into the parking lot, Arnav still holding her hand fiercely, bruisingly. 

They sat in the car, silently. He made no move to start the engine, but just sat looking straight ahead, his fists clenched on the wheel. She sat quietly, pale-faced, then looked at him. 

"What did you think I was doing with Aman, Arnav?" she asked softly. "What made you so angry? Why so angry, Arnav?"

He looked at her, the rage still in his eyes.

"You promised," he said flatly. "You promised not to meet him, Khushi. You were alone with him there."

"I promised not to compromise your name or your dignity," Khushi countered. Her voice trembled slightly as she continued. "I promised not to tell him the truth of our marriage. I didn't do either, Arnav."

He sat silent, trying to calm down the irrational rage still boiling within him.

"Have I ever …" she asked him, and he heard the tremor again, soft though her voice was. "Arnav, have I ever done anything to make you feel this way?"

He stared at her. "What?!"

"Have I ever done anything to make you feel that I am capable of breaking my word?" she said, "Tell me, Arnav. Have I ever behaved differently from what you wanted?"

He shook his head slowly.

"Then why…?" she asked, and her voice broke now. "Why … did you think …" she stopped, and turned her head away to the car window. "Please," she said, "Please, can we go home?"

He looked at her, disbelief warring with rage. "Khushi, I saw you with him! You were alone with him, holding hands, for heaven’s sake! What do you expect me to think, to believe?"

She looked at him.

"I thought you would trust me," she whispered. "From the day we met, I’ve trusted you, told you everything. I told you about Aman from the beginning. You knew that there was a man in my life at the time. I also told you that he was married, and I would not break up his marriage. Nor would I compromise your name." 

"Answer me one question," he said, his eyes on her face. "How many times have you and he met, since we got married? Alone? The truth, Khushi."

She looked directly at him, and he saw the tears shining in her eyes, tears she was holding back by sheer force of will.

"I've never lied to you, Arnav," she said, unsteadily. "You've never given me any reason, any need to lie. This is the first time I've met him since we got married, the first time I've been alone with him, even for those few minutes. Anjali was there till about ten minutes before you saw us. She went for her physiotherapy session. Aman had something to tell me ... we talked for ten minutes, and I was just leaving."

He looked at her eyes, and believed her.

They drove home in silence, and by the time they reached, he knew she was sobbing silently. She slipped out of the car at the front door, leaving him to park and follow her in.

Arnav didn't go in straight away. He walked in the lawn for some time, calming his thoughts, his anger, seeing in his mind's eye, again and again, the scene in the garden. Her face, her eyes, as she had faced him, nervous … but unafraid, he realized slowly. Both she and Aman ... neither had any trace of guilt on their faces when they saw him. And he knew he had wronged her. She was not that kind of person. Once she had given her word, she would keep it. It was as simple as that.

The problem was, he thought wryly, he hadn't bargained for getting so emotionally involved, that he would lose his objectivity. That when he so much as saw her with another man, he would lose his cool so completely. He had friends who were married, and their wives mingled freely. Embracing, kissing cheeks, dancing with other men, all that was part of their culture, their 'liberal' society. Why had he lost it so completely on seeing her with a man in a public place, with so many people around ... with the guy's own wife in the vicinity?

He knew why, of course. He himself had not permitted himself to do as much, and seeing another man touch her, however innocently and briefly, had sparked off something primitive and possessive in him, something that he hadn't known he even possessed.

Sighing, he knew he had to make amends. He had to listen to her, hear her out. He went inside to their room, and stood at the door.

Khushi was standing on the terrace, looking blindly out as silent tears coursed down her cheeks, one pale hand gripping the swing, her knuckles white, her shoulders shaking.

Arnav was astonished at the white hot rush of feelings that coursed through him - guilt, mixed with regret, mixed with an almost overwhelming desire to take her into his arms, forget about what he had seen and just hold her to him and wipe her tears.

He came into the room and closed the door behind him. He walked slowly, heavily, out on to the terrace to the swing, and stood close to her, careful not to touch her.

'Khushi," he said, heavily, then as she stayed silent. "Khushi, I'm sorry."

Startled, she turned her tear-stained face to stare at him. He looked back at her seriously.

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry.  I know you won't do anything like that. It's just that … I saw you … with him …"

Arnav did not add what he really wanted to say. That when he had seen her smiling with the other man, smiling as she had never smiled with him, spontaneously, freely, that had snapped something in him. That he had wanted to shout that her laughter, her smiles, her tears, all were for him. That he had felt a white hot jealousy when he saw her face lit with emotion she had never shown him, and it was that jealousy that had made him act so uncharacteristically. She was so controlled, so formal with him ... they lived as husband and wife, yet he had never seen her express her emotions openly, as he had seen in that brief glimpse with Aman. Her emotions, her feelings stayed guarded, locked inside her. After all, this was a contract marriage. She had kept her side of the bargain by not letting her emotions into the picture. It was his own fault he seemed unable to do the same.

Khushi shook her head miserably. “No, it’s my fault. It’s always my fault, isn’t it, Arnav? I don’t think enough, I just trust people. I trusted my father when he sent me with that letter. I trusted you when you said that there was no one in your life. And I trusted Aman when he said he needed to meet me. I never think about how it will look, how people can draw the wrong impressions about me. You did that before too, when I brought that letter. And you did it again today. It wasn't your fault, I never meant to hide it from you … but just being there was enough, wasn’t it? For you to think …”

He stood still, appalled at her words. She was right, he thought numbly. He hadn’t been nearly as frank with her as she had been with him, and she had never once questioned him … or doubted him. Even when Lavanya had come for the barsi and he had disappeared with her for so long. He had been alone in a room with Lavanya, but Khushi hadn't uttered a word of reproach, of suspicion, anything. Khushi hadn't questioned him even once. But his jealousy hadn’t let him do that. Even now, thinking of her, alone with that man … he felt the rage building in him again at the mere thought.

But he couldn't tell her how he felt. He didn't want to scare her away. She wasn't ready for it ... for the depth of emotion that had startled him today. He had been startled by his own feelings, Khushi would be terrified. And appalled. He had to calm down ... and think of a way to reassure her too. 

He turned her to face him and shook her slightly. "Khushi, what was I to think? What would anyone think? You tell me! You were alone with him, close to him … holding his hand, for heaven's sake … it looked …"

"What did it look like, Arnav?! We were in the garden, in full view of the diners there ... I was never alone with him!" she fired back huskily. "What's more, his wife was there! She had just left! I didn’t break my word to you, Arnav. I promised you when you married me, and I have not broken my word! You're not the only one who is true to your word!"

Arnav sighed. "Then why can't you tell me what you were doing there with him? Or don't I have the right to ask even that? I know I promised you that I would not question you, but you also promised that you would not do anything to compromise the dignity of this house, and my name. You did promise, Khushi. And my wife meeting a strange man doesn’t look good, you know. If daddy was to hear of this, it would upset him, and that might set his recovery back. I can't risk that, you know that. His health is still very fragile."

He hated using his father as an excuse, but he had no choice. He had to retreat, regroup. Khushi could not know the real reason he had fired up.

Khushi turned away, her head drooping on her shoulders, as though she was exhausted.

"I know you can't risk that," she said, bitterly. "That's why you married me, isn't it? For the sake of his health, for Radhika's happiness, for Akash’s guilt - for everybody but yourself! And that's what you want from me, too. Everybody's happiness except your own."

He moved away from her and looked away into the distance. "You knew that when I married you," he reminded her, without looking at her. "Then why these questions today? Why these complaints?"

Khushi came close to him and faced him, her face still tear stained. "Why?" she said furiously. "Why are you so … so good?! Why don't you think of yourself once in a while, just once? Why didn't you marry someone you loved, someone who would be a wife in more than name? No, even in marriage, you had to do a good deed! You had to marry a girl in love with another man, a girl whose brother and father were ready to let her be your keep, a girl who wanted desperately to escape her own home! And you still chose to marry her ... and be the perfect gentleman with her ... you don’t even take advantage of her situation … advantage of your wife!!! What are you? A saint? A masochist? A glutton for punishment? Why don't you think of what you want? Once, just once?!"

"Because the girl I wanted didn't want me," he said, quietly. "Not with all my responsibilities. And I couldn't leave them for her." 

He turned and looked at her. "How many girls do you know, who would do as you did?" he asked her, evenly, his tone hiding the deep hurt inside him. "How many young girls would be ready to marry a man with a recently widowed, paralyzed, suicidal father, whom they have to look after night and day? A scamp of a brother, who's getting over his grief in a way my father can't understand, and can't excuse? One for whom I have to make excuses to my father all the time? An orphaned young niece, who is feeling so insecure, that she can't even go to school on her own, who wakes up with nightmares every night? A child for whom she has to be mother and aunt rolled into one, before tasting the joys of her own motherhood, and before even tasting the joys of being a newly wed bride? There are only responsibilities in this house, Khushi, there is no happiness. How many girls would be ready for this life? Only one who is desperate to get out of her own house, her own life. Certainly not the girl I loved, the girl who I thought loved me."

Khushi sat down suddenly on the swing as though paralyzed. The deep hurt in him, that he had tried to hide, was clear to her, clear as day. And with it, another thought came unbidden. No wonder he found it not difficult to stay away from her, not to touch her. He was still in love with Lavanya. Even though Lavanya didn't love him. Not enough to take him with all his baggage.

She swallowed a lump in her throat, marvelling at the hurt that the thought cost her. Once, she had thought, that if only she could tell him that she had fallen in love with him, he might accept her, might grow to like her enough to make their mockery of a marriage into a real one. Now she knew that hope, that dream was futile. Irony, she thought, her lip twisting.  

Her burst of anger died out rapidly, a dull grey mist of regret taking its place. She slipped off the swing, and went to him.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "Arnav, I really am."

She took his hand, and holding his eyes, she placed it on her head.

"I swear to you," she said slowly and clearly. "I swear to you that I have never done, nor will I ever do anything to compromise your dignity, or your name. I met them both there. Aman called to ask me to meet him, but it wasn’t him alone, it was both of them. He called yesterday, told me that Anjali had found out … I spent the whole evening worrying, wondering how … because we hadn’t met for months … but he was just pulling my leg. Anjali's mother has come to stay with them. They wanted to celebrate that, to tell me that. I didn’t tell you yesterday because I was too worried, but I was going to tell you about meeting them, the moment I got back. I did not break my word to you. I will never do that, nor will I compromise your dignity." Or my love, she added, but that last in her mind.

He turned to look at her, and his hand slid from her head to her face, to cup her chin, his thumb caressing her cheek absently. She saw the hurt, the anger fade, his gaze soften and warmth creep in. Without thinking, almost of their own accord, her arms rose around his neck, and her head rested against his chest. She felt his head come down against her shoulder, and they stood for a while in their first embrace.

Khushi felt as if she had come home. She didn't want to move, to break the magic of that moment. Slowly, his arms rose to encircle her, to hold her first gently, then closer still, until she felt as though she was drowning and he was her only lifeline. She clung to him, her arms tightening unconsciously, and she felt her heart start to pick up speed, and the beginning of a slow deep heat start deep inside her. The dull grey mist around her heart swirled and evaporated under the fiery warmth that started curling through her entire body. And somewhere, she felt, she was sure, she felt his heart start racing as well, its drum beat muffled under her ear, his body language change from relaxed to the beginning of arousal, his hands moving possessively, caressingly over her back, smoothing her hair, winding it around his fingers. She felt his warm breath lift her hair, the warmth of his cheek against her, the length of his body along hers, and his arms tightened harder around her waist. This, she thought faintly, with the small part of her mind that could still think, this was what she had been born for, what she had been waiting for … his touch, his hands on her, his lips against her hair, his breath warm against her skin, setting fire to her insides, melting them, burning them … I’ve died and gone to heaven, she thought dizzily.

And then he stepped back. He loosened her arms, and moved away from her, not looking at her, as he fought for control. She flushed, and moved away as well, biting her lower lip hard, to prevent herself from crying aloud. Don't leave me, she wanted to cry out. Hold me. Take me any way you want me. If I can give you comfort, make you forget your faithless love, let me do at least that.

But of course, she didn't say any of what she wanted to. Scarlet, she muttered something about seeing to dinner, and fled from the room.