Kaisey Yeh Rishtey - 24

Chapter 24 

Time moves in mysterious ways. In times of grief and sorrow, it drags, as though empathizing with sorrow, engulfing the all-pervasive grief within its embrace, moving on leaden feet, slow, heavy footed, dense. And as it moves on slowly, grief lightens, and time too quickens his pace. sensing the lightening of mood, lifting the dark clouds of sorrow, allowing the sunshine to peep in. 

The first few months after the terrible accident in the Raizada house had moved unbearably slowly. Days dragged, colored in the dark hues of mourning. But life goes on, and those living have to move with it. And after Khushi's entry into the family, she brought the first wisps of that elusive sunshine with her into the house. Living up to her name, she breathed the first tentative stirrings of life back into those left behind, tentative smiles, soft laughter, a healing, a renewal. And time moved faster still, the weeks and months moving on slowly quickening feet, to the time where the family was ready to mourn the departed souls a year after they had gone. 

They would never forget the ones they had lost. That was unthinkable. Mother, brother, sister-in-law ... the three who had gone so suddenly and cruelly, had left their memories, their imprints, stamped into the hearts and very souls of the ones left behind. But over the months following Khushi's entry into the family, the grief lessened, the clouds starting to lift slowly, the sorrow of the loss healing gradually with the small joys that life brought back. Memories came seeping into the fabric of everyday life, but now without the crushing grief accompanying them. Radhika's new school, her teacher stories, her every small accomplishment, those became occasions for celebration, mixed with wistful comments of 'your parents would have been so proud.'  Arvind Raizada became once again the man his sons loved and respected, a fighter, a man who would not let anything get him down. He struggled with his useless legs, fought them, battled his own body and his weakness ... and slowly started to overcome it. He maneuvered himself into his wheelchair without any help two days before his target date ... the day of the first 'barsi'. And the sorrowful occasion was admixed with a small curl of happiness.

Akash

He watched her as she moved around swiftly and surely, coordinating, pushing, pulling, till everything was the way his father wanted. Her slim frame clad in a simple white saree, her hair knotted into a neat plait, she was at once the centre of activity, and a quiet bystander. The pooja ceremonies moved at her word, but she stayed in the background.

He still hated her, he thought, and tried again to whip up the same emotion, the same distaste he felt for Khushi.

She hadn’t thought he would have the strength, the resilience to go back to college, she hadn’t thought he would be able to manage his studies, she had thought he was selfish, lost in his grief … well, he had shown her. Not only was he taking his exams in time, he had even started going out with his friends again. Not too often – he still felt it was a betrayal of the memory of his mother and brother, to start enjoying himself too soon after their deaths. It had barely been a year … in fact … just a year, and Khushi was playing the lady of the house, organizing the prayers, the bhajans, the memorial for three people she had no feelings for, had not even known. Who was she to do all this, he thought savagely? It should have been Lavanya, the girl Arnav had loved, the sister of the girl he loved … Lavanya should have been doing all this. Khushi had no right … no right to be in charge ... no right to even be there. Why had Arnav bhaiya sent Lavanya away, he wondered for the umpteenth time. 

Though he had to admit unwillingly, Khushi had done wonders for Radhika, that couldn’t be denied. Radhika laughed, ran, jumped in the house as before, her shrieks and shouts filled the place and even her nightmares had almost stopped. And his father … well, Akash thought, he was better, but that was not due to Khushi … the new physiotherapist was very good, very patient … he knew Khushi very well, of course, but that had nothing to do with anything …

It was time for the barsi. Slowly Akash walked back into the house, head bowed.

*****

The 'barsi'- the prayer meeting for the departed souls, went off peacefully. Khushi worked hard with Shantitai to organise things the way the family wanted. The prayers were simple, the bhajans soft and emotional, and more than one person was seen wiping their tears during the singing - due partly to the simple, yet heartfelt words, and partly to the sight of the three big garlanded pictures of Arnav's mother, brother and sister-in-law, who had passed away so suddenly and tragically.

Khushi kept Radhika close to her, and the little girl clung to her, confused, yet trusting. Arnav saw the bond, so did Akash but Akash didn't want to accept it. He still couldn't accept Khushi in place of Lavanya, and his face showed his feelings. He stayed away from both Khushi and Radhika, in the background, and as soon as he possibly could, he got up and quietly left the hall.

He wandered restlessly in the grounds outside, his mind unable to find peace. Why, he muttered to himself, why did all this have to happen? Even almost a year after the tragedy, he still had not got used to the absence of his mother, his brother, his sister-in-law. The prayer meeting had done nothing to reconcile him to the loss. Lavanya should have been in her place, organizing the rites, he thought again, remembering his earlier musings. If Lavanya had been here, maybe he would have found it easier to accept, would have been able to see in her face, those of his mother and Poonam. Lavanya had known them, had been fond of them, and they of her. Why had Arnav sent her away?!

Still brooding, Akash made his way inside and shouldered his way through the half open terrace doors into the small guest room on the side of the main house.

And stopped, just before he entered and made his presence felt to the two people inside who were having an obviously private conversation. He stood, trapped behind the curtain, and listened with disbelief and growing horror, to the conversation he was unwillingly eavesdropping on.

Lavanya was speaking.

"So you won't come back with me to America?" she was saying. "Is that your final answer, Arnav?"

Akash heard Arnav sigh.

"What are you asking me to do, Lavanya?" he asked. "You're not thinking straight. Even less so than a year ago. Last year, you asked me the same question, and I gave you the same answer. It's still the same. I can’t leave this house and go anywhere."

"What's holding you back now?" she said. "Yes, I agree, last year, I was premature in asking you to come away. But now, things are different. You've taken care of your responsibilities now. Khushi is here to take care of Radhika. Your father is improving. Though I don't think she has anything to do with that. I told you once he started his physiotherapy and his medicines, he would improve. Akash is recovering, and Khushi definitely has nothing to do with that. He still hates her, he still thinks I should be in her place, that we should be together. Leave her here for Radhika, and start living your own life. Our life - what we had planned."

Arnav looked at her, and smiled slightly.

"You seem to forget, I am married to her. She is my wife. So what will that make you?"

Lavanya laughed scornfully.

"Arnav, don't try to fool me. You can fool everyone else, but not me. You brought her here to look after your niece, that's all. She is not really your type, is she? And even if she is your wife, so what? Marriage isn’t a permanent bond any more, and your marriage can easily be sorted out, once you are in America, and away from her. I don't mind waiting. Wait two years, and get a divorce. I've already waited for you for so long - a year or two more doesn't matter, as long as we are together."

Arnav straightened. His voice changed, and Akash heard the hardness in it.

"But I didn't want you to wait, Lavanya. I wanted you with me. This time last year, I asked you to marry me – do you remember? Because I needed you – we all needed you. And when I needed you, you weren’t there. You got scared of the responsibilities that came with me, and you ran. You wanted only me, but I don't come alone. Last year, before the accident, it was different. Ajay was here to manage this place, I could have gone with you to America, set up the business there, and he would have handled this end. He and Poonam were there to look after dad and mom, and Akash. But it all changed, and now nothing is the same any more. They all need me here now, and I cannot go away. They need Khushi now, and I cannot leave her here alone."

He turned to Lavanya.

"You think Khushi has nothing to do with what’s happening in this house? Are you really so blind, Lavanya? Can’t you even see what she's done here? Dad's started looking forward to life, to being alive again. Radhika's nightmares have almost stopped, I hear her laughter in this house now, I see her running around, being naughty, playing tricks, behaving like a normal five year old. We hadn't seen that for the last year! And Akash? You say he hates her, resents her. Yes, he does, he doesn't even know what she does for him, because she does it through Shantitai, through me, through Radhika. But we – dad, me, even Shantitai and the servants - we know who’s responsible for the change in him.  Why do you think he has started going to college again, studying again, meeting friends again? Who do you think organized his missed classes, called his friends to help him with notes he had missed while he was in his depression, even sat and wrote notes for him when his friends didn’t have time? Got his friends to pull him out of the house, start doing the things he used to? Shivanya, your sister - she dislikes Khushi, because she thinks Khushi is taking your place. Khushi plays on that, to get Akash out of the house with her. She sits and makes snacks, coffee, for Akash every night with Shantitai, to keep him awake, help him study, but it’s Shantitai who takes them to him, never Khushi. "

Arnav turned away from Lavanya. "Radhika is young, she is healing. Dad is healing, too, just by seeing her, and by Khushi's bullying, teasing and constant care. Akash is still hurting, because he still blames himself. He is taking the longest to recover from the trauma of the accident. And the only one who has made a difference is Khushi. The only one who has got him into some semblance of a normal life."

Lavanya spoke again, and Akash heard the confidence ebbing from her voice.

"Arnav, I didn't have the time to do all that. Khushi has nothing else to do - this is all her work.  She can continue doing that, without being your wife. You need somebody your equal, intellectually, to be your partner, your spouse, somebody who can attend your social events with you, talk to your clients, somebody intelligent."

Arnav interrupted her harshly, and Akash could hear the fury in his voice.

"Lavanya, don't make a fool of yourself without knowing the facts. Intellectual? Intelligent? Is that all that matters? How about loving? compassionate? generous? That’s much more important to me than intellectual right now! And if we’re talking about intelligent, Khushi is a postgraduate, she’s working on a Doctorate, she’s probably more qualified than you or me, my dear. She has been working at the hospital for the last year or more, and she still visits there almost everyday. The only difference is that she goes there when she is not needed at home, and she is always home when she is needed. So the question of her not being an intellectual doesn't arise. She's as well educated as you or me, she can talk to anyone from a shopgirl to a CEO, and you’ve seen that yourself. If you still want to blind yourself …"

"Arnav, I can’t do that," whispered Lavanya, in an obviously shaken voice. "I have my work, my career. I’ve worked a lot for it, I can’t give it up. I thought you understood that. If Khushi is working, why do you object to my …"

“I don’t object, Lavanya,” Arnav spoke more gently. “I never did. But sometimes life changes all our plans. And we have to change with them. If you can’t change your plans for me, I don’t grudge you that. I have no complaints against you. It’s your life. But Khushi is my life now … you have to understand that. I don’t want you to wait for me. I can never come back to you. And …” he took a deep breath and Akash heard the finality in his tone, “I don’t want to. I’m sorry, Lavanya.”